Question:

My son is 3.5, LOVES skiing, averages about 3 days a week and is doing really well. Thing is he’s adamant about us skiing next to him holding a ski pole horizontally so he can hold onto it. We’re barely holding on to it and he is basically doing all the work but he’s REALLY adamant about it. I know it’s a “security blanket” thing. He’s always been adventurous yet super cautious. Do you have any tips or specific games to build his confidence so we can lose the pole?

Answer:

I love this question! You have touched on a common theme: Child starts skiing at a very young age using tools that are necessary in the beginning. Child becomes dependent on that tool believing that they probably can’t ski without it. Parent is positive their child is capable of skiing without that tool but isn’t sure how to bridge the gap. 

First, just know that as long as you continue to take your son skiing, especially as much as you do, he WILL eventually move away from the pole, as he naturally comes to a point where it’s just not cool to hold onto Mommy or Daddy anymore. I know! I know! It’s a tearjerker but, those years are coming sooner than you think. However, with a child who is naturally cautious, this could be several years from now and something tells me you’d like your ski pole back before then. So below I’ve shared some things you can do to nudge him in that direction, sooner than later.

• You may find you need to start by replacing the pole with something else.  A simple idea is telling him to put his hands on his knees. This will help him stay balanced while giving him a feeling of stability. Make it a challenge for everyone. See if Mommy and Daddy can ski with their hands on their knees too. A more complex idea would be to create a “steering wheel” out of cardboard or a Frisbee and take it to the hill so he can “drive his car” while skiing. Maybe he has a stuffed animal that brings him comfort? He can hold the stuffed animal out in front of himself to take it skiing, even hug it if that’s more comfortable or stuff the stuffed animal in his jacket peering out so it can “see”. Explain that he can’t ski with the pole because his stuffed animal won’t be able to see where he is going. Sometimes something new and fun is the best choice. Most kids LOVE pinwheels! Bring one to the hill as a surprise toy. Tell him that the best way to get it to spin is to hold it out in front while we ski. Maybe throw out the idea that it works better for kids than it does for adults, so you can’t wait to see him make it spin. 

• Sometimes your child just needs to know that there’s a safety net if they get out of control. Can you ski backwards in front of them? This can offer the best support for a cautious child. If they are tempted to run into you, or bear hug you, extend your hands out in front of you and challenge them to “push” you down the hill. Their hands pushing against yours while you slide. Create a little resistance so they have something to push against. Pull away on occasion to slowly build their confidence. If you are not comfortable skiing backwards you can ski forwards and play follow the leader. Just make sure you are directly in front of your lil’ ripper to give them a feeling of security. They can always ski up behind you and “bear hug” your legs if they feel out of control and need help stopping. Ideally they will want a turn to be leader next run down.

• RED LIGHT - GREEN LIGHT is a great game to play while building your child’s confidence in their ability to ski on their own. It can also be a great distraction when you’re trying to create some space between you and your lil’ ripper. This game is the most fun if you involve another parent or ski buddy. Don’t forget about YELLOW LIGHT to go slow and that PURPLE LIGHT means dance! 

• Often kids have a current, internal motivator that you can tap into. Is there a chairlift he has been wanting to ride or a ski run he is wanting to ski? At 3.5 years old he is probably pretty good at the IF/THEN dialogue. So try something like, “IF you want to ski that big run with Daddy, THEN you have to be able to ski this run without the pole”. 

• I’m not against bribes, especially with young children who are still responsive to primary motivators (ie. food and drink). Start small, maybe just one run, “I tell you what, if you take this last run without the ski pole, we’ll get a hot chocolate before we leave”. Next time try going bigger, “For every run you take without the ski pole you earn an M&M”. Is there a sticker he wants for his helmet? A toy he has been talking about lately? If learning to ski without the pole is more your goal than his, then it helps to create a reward he can earn for his awesome performance. 

• Worse case scenario...you COULD accidentally forget your poles one day. Then use the tips above to get out and have fun anyway. Be sure to keep it fun. Cheering him on along the way!